“Look, if you want to go on adate with her why don’t you ask her out?”“Me asking Allison McGuire out?” I laughed. “She’s so out of my le...guethat she might as well be in the stratosphere!”“Yeah, but you play basketball, surely that counts for something right?”“Maybe if I was a few inches taller and bulging with muscles,” I sigheddespondently. “Even then, we don’t even run in the same cliques. Shedoesn’t even know I exist and for all I know, she probably already has aboyfriend.”“You’ll never know. “Robert, I know you like to cook but you have to understand that some things are magic.”I blinked and narrowed my eyes. “What?”Lavi looked at me wide-eyed like a child. “When the bacon is cooked with the date, it’s magic. I’m not an expert on Kabbalah stuff but it’s some kind of alchemy and it’s not pork anymore. It’s a gift from God.”Intellectually I knew Lavi was messing with me but she was really committing to this, I just didn’t know if the whole thing was a joke or just the serious part. I. "Alice brought herself to her knees, and began to plant one ballet boot on the floor, in the hopes that she had enough of a sense of balance right now to bring herself upright."I made her into a creature of pure arousal..." he seemed lost in thought as the girl on the floor continued the futile attempts to come, fresh tears joining old ones on her cheeks as she did so.Alice did a quick trick of balance to swing herself back up onto her toes, standing fully upright again. She needed to find the. I kept showing them off to Kelly, who told me to get down to business. Finally, far in the back, I discovered not only her cordless Hitachi but a rubber dong of about 8 inches. I raised them to the sky in my little fists with a cry of victory. Kelly, from the back of the closet, cackled like a wicked witch and emerged, equally triumphant, with a stack of porno DVDs. We looked through them: Beaverjuice, Dyke Hard, Where the Boys Aren’t, Star Whores. She was into the classics. We had her.
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